How can loving someone be so painful? And so difficult? Last night was a difficult one. Unbearably painful. The words are still swimming in my head, can’t seem to shake them off. Is it real? Does he really mean them? What should I make out of it? What can I believe? When is it the truth? I don’t know…Is it supposed to tell me something?

How is it that you care for me but yet do things that hurt me?? Don’t you know that it HURTS?? Just when I thought I could erase the pain, this incident brings back the raw edges of what I’ve felt before & had tried so hard to get through.

The feelings are intense, they’re like little explosives going off inside. Can I still hold up? I don’t know, but I feel I’m crumbling. I’m back into the dark room with four plain walls, and just a chair in the centre of it all.

Will I still feel the touch of your hand on mine? And your breath on my face? Will I still feel your arms around me? Will you look at me the same way?

Are the simple things I yearn & wait for so difficult to give?