Baby has passed away last night. Left me all alone. No signs, no warning….nothing. My darling stoner baby. The apartment is still now. Silent. Empty. Even though baby doesn’t make much noise..without her, the whole place is SO filled with emptiness it’s driving me crazy. I close my eyes and I see her. I keep thinking about her I can’t sleep. Doesn’t matter how tired or how sleepy I am-I just can’t. I hate this feeling.

Could I have prevented it? Could I?

Today has been a trying day..especially in the morning. I always try my best to keep my spirits up from the minute I step into the shop, telling myself that it’ll be a better day today. I still couldn’t seem to hide it from my boss. Not sure if it’s a good thing. We had a talk about it & it’s really scary when she can read me like a book. I don’t want her to feel she’s a bad boss-for the plain fact that she’s NOT- I’m just stuck in a rut. Told her how I’m feeling. I felt slightly better after the talk. But I also felt that I’ve let her down & disappointed her. For that, I feel guilty. For the record, It’s been over 6 years, workin with with her & she said I’ve never acted like this before. I’m lost, clearly. I hate to disappoint her. I hate to let her down. Of course, I want to do all I can at work but right now, I can’t. I just can’t seem to do it. All I could do was apologise & tell her I’d try to pick myself up again asap. What else could I do?? I can’t seem to get this situation outta my head. It’s driving me up the wall. I detest it when I’m not progressing-in any way- I’m stagnant!!! ARGH! Solution, help….???? Anyone??

On another note, I tried a new recipe today. Orange Rosemary cupcakes. N-I-C-E!!!!!!!! 2 very complementing flavours, came out almost puurrrrfecto!!!!

P.S…sorry boss…I’m so sorry to disappoint you, but I’m feeling stuck…stuck…..STUCK!!

I finally, FINALLY got to see someone’s office!! It’s 2 storeys & has a pretty nice view & pleasant vibes at night..nice breeze once in a while too. I had a very nice, smoky view of the moon early this week when standing on the 2nd level. I got to see the pro at work too. Something I’ve always liked to do. Makes me think about my days at SAE..reminiscent, but still wouldn’t have chosen it as my career path. Anyways, everything wrapped up close to 3am I think. Went back to my place & had pizza!!! Yum!! I realise I tend to care more about how the other person is sleeping more than my own quality of sleep. Ended up probably having about under an hour of sleep?? Doesn’t matter anyway. Still smiling..

I’m back at that awful place again. I’m easily irritable & annoyed plus I get pissed at people pretty easily-even more so now. After talking to HT, I realise that actually I’m most irritated by myself. Irritated by the lack of motivation & drive. Something I lost since Christmas 2006 due to some things/people. I want to do something about it but yet I don’t want to. I know it doesn’t make sense. I think the only person who truly knows how I feel is HT since he’s been through it, felt the same way..I’m gratified he understands the crap that I talk about which people have absolutely NO IDEA. I’d better stop talking about the shit at work lest he gets sick of talkin to me.

The constant lack of sleep is makin me fall sick!!

P.S. Thank you for the pretty bouquet of flowers. It’s doin a good job of brightening up the kitchen!!

Here’s wishing my dear cousin Jeremy & my dearest buddy Morgaga - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! 

And….I just wanted to say that I had the best Good Friday EVER!! It’s for me to know & NOT for you to find out. Heh heh heh… I wish I could have good fridays more regularly.. I didn’t get to spend much time with my dear Sis, BUT at least I got to see her & my brother-in-law. She lent me her precious DVDs which I HAVE to take GREAT care of…maybe must sayang before watching??!!!

Today, I just got back from class-was France’s assistant @ Shermay’s. It was fun! It was really enjoyable helping her. We went for our infamous ramen @ Quayside before coming back to clean up. So tired…so stuffed… BURRRRPPP!!! Excuse me….:P

It’s been a nice night, considering I caught up(partly) with an old friend…

It’s always nice to keep in touch with friends..they are truly a treasure…

Sat night, took a cool bus 54 back to MS. It’s nicely done up with white cushions & velvet red upholstery. Comes complete with a mini bar & bar stools!!! I’m amazed…with dim, warm lights, the whole thing could actually look like a mini mobile club!!! And it has a nicely sized screen at the front playing music videos with the song title & artist name. Cool feature here: you can switch on your bluetooth & download the song!!! I’m impressed! Nicest bus ride in recent times-DEFINITELY!!!

Amazingly, I got up early. Went for hotcakes at Mac for brekkie, came home to surf the net & download some stuff…I haven’t watched TV in soooo LONG!!! The beauty of SCV…MTV, Discovery….wah…..precious, precious..

Next..I came into possession of 2 albums lately-Lifehouse & Joss Stone. She’s not in my usual playlist but this albums really nice & sexy. Definitely a worthy addition to your collection.

I’m thinkin of movie & ikea but the weather’s wet today…dampens all plan to go anywhere or do anything.

I’m getting hooked on interior design mags now…things are so pretty!! I’m dreaming of my future home….sigh….so many ideas…so many things….so LITTLE bills(monetary)!!! Darn!