I miss my mum when I don’t see her but I hate it coz I automatically feel compelled to BE nice & good around her. At least I try, most of the time. But most of the time, she irritates me & I don’t feel like talking to her. Around my family, especially tonight, I feel suffocated & uncomfortable. I feel uncomfy around my family(mum’s side) and unwanted around friends. I simply don’t feel like I fit anywhere. When I’m ok around people, am I really ok or am I just pretending? I don’t mean to be a hypocrite but it seems like I don’t know myself sometimes.

I feel sad because I’ve been hearing about how difficult I was as a kid to raise, how crabby & temperamental etc etc and how difficult & hard on my it was on my mum and I should be really grateful to her and I AM. I’m grateful to her for alot of things & I owe ALOT of things to her but….we just don’t clique. We can’t get along. I don’t know how to put this across without sounding ungrateful. I really, honestly try sometimes but……