I finally gave myself a chance to accept someone new in my life. Got his no & went out for drinks tonight but no conversation, no chemistry no nothing at all.  he was just purely uninterested. Must’ve been me. My problem. Every other gal was hotter than me. So what did I do? Drink. AGain. I had 4 sex on the beaches, 2 apple sours, 2 bubblegums, 2 blowjobs, a few sips of the hennesey green tea & 1 long island tea. Kinda nice to be tipsy & unable to concentrate. I needed that.

I badly needed to talk. messaged everyone I could think of but no reply. I , messaged him & him & NO reply. How fantastic is that??!!  That just says what a loser I am.  Just as good as dead. What is the point of living, again? Tell me. TELL ME!!! I don’t see a reason or need for my existence. AT ALL!  I cannot imagine how stupid I feel for doing the things I did.  Never again will I do anything for anyone. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER.

What am I? A TOY??? An item for your convenient manipulation? Sorry, but one fine day, I’m just gonna be a corpse in a grave. With or without a tombstone. I’ve never felt any dumber or useless as of now.